I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
