he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize