I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
