If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Thank you for not boning my boss.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
