woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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