she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
