They should really pass out barf bags in church
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
