She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
