even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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