I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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