he told me I talked like a deaf person
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
