Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
