Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
