I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
