She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I forget how to act sober
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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