i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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