FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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