I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
