dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Terrible idea I love it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
