My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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