Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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