I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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