Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
