Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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