I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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