a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize