tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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