good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
