apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
