Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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