I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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