capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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