There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
