So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
