im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
