plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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