I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
