Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
