I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
