a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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