She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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