i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
