32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
