went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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