i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
