your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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