And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
