Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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