They should really pass out barf bags in church
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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