oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
