i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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