I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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