ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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