I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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