My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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