At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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