i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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