I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
