we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
