smell my finger.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize