hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dicks are not precious.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
