Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Found the puke drawer
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
