Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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