We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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