mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
