DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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