God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
