ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
