Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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