If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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