so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
